When you’re going on a first date, do you carry protection just in case things get hot and heavy and one thing leads to another?
A Redditor who goes by EncyclopediaBlue on the app, recently told his story about a Hinge first date and how it ended badly when his date found out he had a condom with him just in case. The Reddit user wanted to know if he’s the “a**hole” for being prepared just in case, and more than 11,000 people had something to say.
“AITAH For Bringing A Condom On A First Date?”
The Redditor shared the details of his first date so people reading his ordeal can offer their thoughts.
“I (28, M) recently went on a date. I met Sally (fake name, 25, F) on Hinge, connected well and we both decided to meet for drinks. I don’t go to Hinge for hookups but sex does happen when you connect with someone and I like to be prepared so I will bring protection.
The night goes well — great conversation, great chemistry — and she invites me back to her place. We talk a little longer and we get to her bedroom and as things get hot and heavy, I pull out a condom.
And then room dynamic changes. She questions why I brought a condom and then politely asks me to leave. As I get home, apologizing in the process, she states that she doesn’t like the idea that I was potentially expecting to get lucky — understandable — and doesn’t think it will work.
After bringing this back to the friend — male and female — group, it has been mixed feedback. On one hand, it is responsible to bring your own protection. On the other, it is kind of a weird move to do that early in the dating process. Wanting to hear the thoughts from the general population, especially as it is pretty common for me to bring a condom on a first date.
AITAH for wanting to be safe if a situation happens but also expecting a situation to potentially happen early in dating?”
He also added two edits to clear up any confusion or to answer potential questions.
“E: Explaining ‘hot and heavy’: making out with physical touch and clothes being removed. Intercourse was next, I just didn’t want this to post to focus on erotica/sex but rather the idea of ‘the presumption of sex.’
E2: Doing a secondary edit because people are adding ‘Was it a consent.’ I had her consent, we were transitioning into sex. Again, I don’t want this to be an erotica. I want the focus to be on the notion of ‘is it bad to be carrying protection on a first date.’”
And What If You Weren’t Prepared?
“NTA. Being unprepared can lead to much bigger complications.”
Just Because You Have It Doesn’t Mean You Plan To Use It
“The phrase, ‘having a condom doesn’t mean you plan to have sex; but not having a condom means you plan to have kids’ helped me get over myself. I always take a condom along on dates, even ones where people say beforehand ‘I’m not into hookups’ because you just never know.
Edit: I’m talking to my younger self too. I used to believe premarital sex was wrong, so I usually didn’t have protection handy because that meant I was “planning to stay pure.” So I ended up doing very dumb stuff, and somehow never got sick or became a dad. Don’t be young me.”
What Was Her Plan?
“Wait, she was willing to go into the bedroom on the first date, but was insulted that you had protection? What was she planning to do? NTA.”
A Woman’s Perspective
“NTA. I hate it when some women (I am a woman) try that whole reverse psychology shit. I carry my own protection on dates and on vacations because I’d rather be safe than to be sorry. I’m sorry this young lady has you questioning yourself. Babes you did everything right. You keep carrying those condoms!!!!”
It’s Like Insurance On Your Car
“Lol pretty immature response from her. The reason you bring a condom to a date is the same reason you put insurance on a car. Most people don’t wake up planning to drive their care into a light post but if you do, you’ll definitely be glad you were covered.
Definitely NTA. The joys of dating that I certainly do not miss. The irony being you two were in bed headed towards some nastiness. Why wouldn’t you start to think sex may happen?”
“Define hot and heavy…if you were at first, just whipping out a condom is a bit presumptuous…but if were heading to third, it’s kind of weird reaction. I wouldn’t say anyone is an asshole, but maybe learn to read the room a bit better.”
Many Agreed That A Bullet Was Dodged
“Dodged a bullet. NTA.”
She saw you brought a condom and thought “he expected us to have sex on the first date” and it turned her off.
It’s dumb, and people play these weird mind games. You were okay having sex on the first date, but you didn’t want your partner to think you were going to have sex on the first date.
It’s similar to when you go on a date with someone with no expectations to have sex, but think “I should shave down there, just incase.”
You didn’t do anything wrong and it’s her lost. She’s mad at you for being prepared and safe incase anything happened, which it did.”
“I always have a tampon, no matter where I am in my cycle. Better to be prepared, because life happens.
Younger me would side eye the hell out of you.
Mid-30s me applauds your willingness to be a responsible human being. Even if it was your wedding night, the fact a man will bring a condom without being asked is commendable.”